distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
