My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
