just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
