Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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