Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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