hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
