Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
