I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
