You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You smell like stripper and shame
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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