Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I can text with my tongue
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
