Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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