I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
