bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
