So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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