i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
