I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
porn star boner night. come get it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
