Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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