never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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