If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
