I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
