When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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