Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
