you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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