so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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