Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
