I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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