a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
