theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
