Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize