He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
