we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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