the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
