Jerry, you need to find god
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
