Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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