woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
