I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
