Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize