Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i think i scared a bird with my dick
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
