whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
