So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize