we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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