I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
