I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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