you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
