she woke up with a sticky ear
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
