he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
as a side note pls kill me
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
