I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
