we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
