Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize