last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Fuck appropriateness.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
