On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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