I didn't shave. On purpose
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
