Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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