Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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