I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
