My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
