fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
