as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
