Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
