The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
