i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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