Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
