you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize