So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
