If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
