How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
