so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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