she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
