Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
