I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize