It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
