Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
