Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
