WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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