I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
