Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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