Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Terrible idea I love it
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
