i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
