Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize