I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
its liver damage thursday
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
