i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize