i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
