happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
