I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
