So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
