I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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