so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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