yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
