I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
How's work?
Spinning.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
