So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
