My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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