hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
