I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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