3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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