There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
