mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize