I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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