Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
